Invite

Invite.

It seems that word is getting out about my upcoming move to California. But I can't leave my Ames crew behind without one more wild, crack-fueled bacchanalia. Wednesday, September 7th, from 7 p.m. until we all pass out, at the Cafe Beaudelaire in beautiful Campustown, Ames, Iowa. Be there or die a thousand painful deaths.

They Said, "California's the Place You Oughta Be, So I Loaded Up The Truck and I Moved To...Mountain View?

Well, kids, all I can say is that it was bound to happen. Ames had been grating on me and grating on me, and then practically everyone I knew in town moved away, so I decided to get out. I spent most of the past week in California, interviewing for a job. And today I formally accepted the offer they made me. So now I'm outta here. I've got a week and a half left to pack up all my things and hit the road in order to make my first day of work on the 12th of September. Expect more updates to come, as I hunt for a place to live and go through the process of packing my meager belongings.

Math Joke for all my Superdork Homies

I am the King of the Geeks! My reign of terror is eternal! What torment will I inflict upon my unfortunate subjects next? Try this super-geeky math joke on for size. It's a two parter, so don't stop reading after the first punch line. Enjoy, my pretties...

Q: What do you get when you cross a duck with a goat?

A: Duck goat sine theta.

Q: OK, so what do you get when you cross a duck with a mountain climber?

A: You can't cross a duck with a mountain climber, because a mountain climber is a scalar.

Laugh uproariously - NOW! Gotta thank Walt for telling me this joke. If you found this humor gem completely incomprehensible, educate yourself here.

Check Out This Web Comic

This might be old news to you guys, but I just stumbled across it: the online comic Toothpaste For Dinner is not just funny, it's laugh-until-you-shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny. Page after page of archives for maximum time wasting.

Latin Phrase of the Week: 2

More latin for the overeducated to enjoy. This week's entry is geared more towards myself and my drinking buddies than the general public, but then sometimes you've just got to think about yourself first and tell everyone else to go suck an egg. Vino somnoque superatus sum: "I got drunk and passed out" (literally it translates more like, "I was overcome by wine and sleep," but as they say...It's idiomatic, bitch!)

I think this would make a fantastic t-shirt slogan, and be a great way to prove to the girls at the clubs you've got that much coveted college degree.

Latin Phrase of the Week

For the initial installment of my new "Latin Phrase of the Week" feature I've chosen Carthago delenda est - "Carthage must be destroyed". This is the phrase that famously incited the Third Punic War between Rome and Carthage (not the Hannibal crossing the Alps one, that was the Second Punic War). Carthago delenda est was the original catchphrase, used by the Roman senator Cato to end every speech he made in the senate, no matter what the subject. I like to use this one on friends who are going to study abroad, e.g., Friend: I'm spending the Fall studying in Rome. Me: Carthago delenda est!! It's a very bad joke that only a geek could love, but then I am king of the geeks.

Carpe Canard's Top 25 Things Ever

The things that make life worth living. I'm waiting to see everyone else's lists.

1. ho's ho's ho's [tongue is in cheek here]
2. drunken Vietnam War reenactment, with fireworks
3. spooning
4. mas tequila
5. those adorable little kissing teddy bears
6. cleavage
7. being smarter than everyone else
8. rare meat
9. pitcher of Guiness
10. morning sex
11. taco pizza
12. convertibles
13. crash diets
14. freckles
15. white cotton underpants
16. live music
17. "chasing the dragon"
18. early morning AM radio
19. summer clothing
20. rage
21. medium-format, twin-lens cameras
22. clever t-shirts
23. yachting
24. making fun of people who quote "hip" movies and TV shows
25. Heineken?! F*#@ that sh*t! Pabst Blue Ribbon!

And there you have it, 25 ingredients for a happy life.

Testing the Limits of the Saab

For a lark, after a late-night "breakfast" at the Highway 30 Truck Stop, Danny Boy and I decided to see how fast we could get my very conservative looking Saab 900 going in the 3 or 4 miles between the Dayton and Elwood exits. The result: shortly after mashing the accelerator to the floor at the top of the Dayton on ramp we topped out at 128 indicated miles per hour before having to slam on the brakes and make our exit. Lest the safety mavens worry too much, it was pushing 3:00 a.m. and there wasn't a single other car on the road. And for what it's worth, I think that given a slightly longer stretch of flat pavement the car has another good 10 or 15 mph in it. Not bad for an 11 year old cracker-mobile with almost 140,000 miles on it.